urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik moonpie misfit # 48975092 squared moonpie misfit # 48975092 squared 2004-04-10T19:54:39Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:54326 2004-04-10T19:54:39Z 2004-04-10T19:54:39Z fuck you ..."i know i'll see you again whether far or soon but i need you to know that i care and ..<br /><br />...would i be out of line if i said i miss you.."<br /><br /><br />i'm sorry. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:54177 2004-03-30T17:19:34Z 2004-03-30T17:19:34Z i guess it's been awhile. but who cares anyway, right? <br />alot of shit has been going on in my personal life that everyone keeps questioning. <br /><br />question all you want. that's all i can say. i feel sorry for you if you feel that someone cant have a life without you in it all the time, and that the the word "personal" has a definition, without your name in it. believe me, "you" aren't that special. -oh..and before you even start thinking of something to say ..i know i'm not that special..i never said i was, it's useless for you to tell me things that i already know. <br /><br /><br /><br />...so..anyways...<br /><br />sometimes i feel like certain things that i dont want people to know are written all over my face. am i the only one who feels like that? <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />**it's seeped in through my wounds..never to be exorcised, just sedated.**<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />grr. ha. going back and reading this, it really does sound like i am just an angry little white girl ...<br />heh. that's fine. maybe it'll bother someone. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:53857 2004-02-17T23:53:55Z 2004-02-17T23:53:55Z JOJ ahem<br /><br /><br /><br />wait<br /><br /><br />look<br /><br />i<br /><br />can<br /><br />hit<br /><br />enter<br /><br />now! <br /><br /><br />i rented the movie thirteen last night. it got better at the end. i knew what this crazy girl was going to do all along, even before she went into the bathroom.<br /><br />enter<br /><br />*i'm a rebel because i dont use my turning signal when i drive! booya! <br /><br /><br />ahem. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:53558 2004-02-16T20:52:40Z 2004-02-16T20:52:40Z hot hot heat <img src="http://images.quizilla.com/T/teffie/1036281989_CStephanieswearfuck.gif" border="0" alt="fuck"><br>your fuck.<br /><br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/teffie/quizzes/What%20swear%20word%20are%20you%3F/"> <font size="-1">What swear word are you?</font></a><br> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font><br /><br />*<br />today i was bored. tomorrow i will be bored. my car was like hmm come drive me and waste some gas so you can be even more of a broke ass than you already are. i was like...sweet. vroom vroom. what the hell....this fucking journal wont let me hit enter. i'm mad. on strike. fuck this. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:53459 2004-02-14T15:48:29Z 2004-02-14T15:48:29Z i'm sick of this. all of it. so i'm told i'm killing myself by doing this. do you think i dont already know this? i have one question in response to that statement. so, does this make it homicide, suicide, or possibly being a martyr? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:53161 2004-02-13T17:06:42Z 2004-02-13T17:06:42Z i hope you choke on your puke!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />sup sluts? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:52842 2004-02-08T17:22:01Z 2004-02-08T17:22:01Z ha.<br /><br />so..last night...i went to kayleas and got wasted. not as wasted as tommy, ashley or dj. they were puking. we had to change ashleys pants for her. haha. it was the first time i met her and i think she's a friggin' riot! matty brought over his little puppy, a pitbull, yes, pitbull named kado..kaeto? however u spell it. Glenn's 2 friends were there. there was a girl there that was very <div class='ljparseerror'>[<b>Error:</b> Irreparable invalid markup ('&lt;bvery/b&gt;') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]<br /><br /><div style="width: 95%; overflow: auto">ha.<br /><br />so..last night...i went to kayleas and got wasted. not as wasted as tommy, ashley or dj. they were puking. we had to change ashleys pants for her. haha. it was the first time i met her and i think she&#39;s a friggin&#39; riot! matty brought over his little puppy, a pitbull, yes, pitbull named kado..kaeto? however u spell it. Glenn&#39;s 2 friends were there. there was a girl there that was very &lt;bvery/b&gt; pretty. she was 19. finally we all sat together and were talking for awhile and we had asked why she wasn&#39;t drinking. she said she was pregnant. 14weeks. omg..she was so skinny and i had no clue until she pointed it out. she showed her little tummy it was so adorable. i&#39;m happy for her..she said that i was giving her dirty looks and i told her that i didn&#39;t mean to it was just because i was staring at her. lol..i envy her. <br />she&#39;s a nice girl. she asked me why i had bad self confidence. she told me to look in the mirror and she said &quot;i can&#39;t believe you, you have a great figure, you&#39;re really pretty and you have nice tits...&quot;..haha. i was like...well...thank you...i wasn&#39;t expecting that but..anyways..morgan and karrey showed up which was good because i wasn&#39;t sure if they were going to. it was fun. <br /><br />hopefully this happens again next week. ha..sweet. <br />o...wait...next weekend starts winter vaca!! great. ..i&#39;m smiles for that.<br /><br /><br /><br />wow i think that was the dumbest entry ever.</div></div> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:52228 2004-01-28T17:46:36Z 2004-01-28T17:46:36Z saves the day it's neverending.<br /><br />this past week:<br />school. more school. sitting on my fat ass. watching tv. doctors. doctors. more doctors. got stood up by my boyfriend-so, i...* stayed at pornos and got wasted. woke up drank more. laughed alot with morgan. matty got BITCH SLAPPED. got in a fight with dj. became a bloody mess. laughed with kaylea. made plans to go to toronto and get wasted this weekend. <br /><br />now:<br />everything is just fantabulous. becky is coming over after school. i'm not in school right now because my mom is sick. <div class='ljparseerror'>[<b>Error:</b> Irreparable invalid markup ('&lt;i&#39;m&gt;') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]<br /><br /><div style="width: 95%; overflow: auto">it&#39;s neverending.<br /><br />this past week:<br />school. more school. sitting on my fat ass. watching tv. doctors. doctors. more doctors. got stood up by my boyfriend-so, i...* stayed at pornos and got wasted. woke up drank more. laughed alot with morgan. matty got BITCH SLAPPED. got in a fight with dj. became a bloody mess. laughed with kaylea. made plans to go to toronto and get wasted this weekend. <br /><br />now:<br />everything is just fantabulous. becky is coming over after school. i&#39;m not in school right now because my mom is sick. &lt;i&#39;m taking care of her....how cute...right? :)&gt;<br /><br />and so...the story goes, i was failing government with a fifty six because i had problems and school was the least of them. until i got my report card. i went up to an 86 in one marking period and we just took the final for the year and i got a 90. yes i was so shocked i almost peed all over the floor. <br /><br />ha.</div></div> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:51992 2004-01-22T21:05:27Z 2004-01-22T21:05:27Z AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHhh sic transit gloria ....ha....<br />......"maybe if you did heroin all the time you'd be just as skinny"...<br /><br />fuck....<br /><br /><b>this is so messed up!!</b><br /><br /><br />alright...where's the eraser so i can erase your lips. <br /><br />so...i'm wondering when this snow will end. i'm going to have an affair with the sun..hopefully it'll piss the snow off so it eventually desists. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:51932 2004-01-15T14:28:28Z 2004-01-15T14:28:28Z rainer maria i dont know where to begin. i dont know how it began. <br /><br />i wonder if it'll ever end. <br /><br /><br />i've been having nightmares again. lots of them. last night i dont even remember all of what i was dreaming about but i do remember seeing blood everywhere. just a pool of it. dark liquid that i could see my reflection in and i hated it. it started to spill everywhere and i know that it had nothing to do with what i was previously dreaming about. it just happened. then i woke up. <br /><br />i dont even know why i'm spilling everything onto this fucking computer. like anyone cares. i dont know if i even care. <br /><br />i desperatley hate wishing i was someone else all the time. every second that i am alive. <br /><br /><br /><br />i mask my face with makeup. it's so hard for me to look at you. im scared that if you look into my eyes you'll see right past them. through them. into a body of nothing. <br /><br />whatever. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:51644 2003-11-16T23:58:04Z 2003-11-17T00:00:38Z long nights hard times everything that makes u feel tired addictionchik....hahahaha....what a groupie name. anyways...<br /><br />i just finished watching Boat Trip. it was kinda funny but boys if you're into noobs (aka..nipple boobs...aka mostly nipple less boob...) chances are you'll dig this movie. there's lots of that. ha. <br /><br />i'm bored. yeah. and i dont want to go to cosmo cuz 2 and a half hours is a long time to stand without sitting. oh well, i got myself into it...and if i keep going i'll get myself out. <br /><br />word. <br /><br />becky ...i love you. :)<br /><br />everyone...beckys birthday was november ninth!! everyone should wish her a great one..better late than never :)<br /><br />mwah..<br /><br />i'm out like a fat bitch in dodgeball urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:51376 2003-11-04T22:28:04Z 2003-11-04T22:28:04Z AgAinSt**what we worked for****Me ..with my weird voice, on an out of tune guitar my father gave to me...and made elvis turn in his grave...<br /><br /><br />ok...so...since my computer crashed because i opened up kazaa and got 81 files infected my mom won't let me download it again, which is probably a pretty good idea..but someone..help me...please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <br /> ATTN: I AM DESPERATLEY IN NEED OF MUSIC! <br /><br />which sux even more is the fact that i dont have my cd player in my new car yet..and since i figured that i could always make more cd's with the same songs on them...i didn't treat them that well..and they are all scratched up and barely play. DAMNIT!! i am literally losing my mind! SHIT! <br />the only music i have to listen to is shit on mp3 and some other sites but still i'm not getting all the nutritional music i need for one good mental health day!! ANNNDDD..i can't go out and buy every cd i want because not every cd i want is in store, oh yeah, and money is another factor. i dont have alot of it and what money i do get goes into my friggin gas tank...or to cosmetology! GRR<br /><br /><br />THOUGH WE GAVE 'EM HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:51029 2003-10-16T14:11:16Z 2003-10-16T14:11:16Z northstar I forgot about this. yep. <br /><br />damn....so..i guess in my last journal i said i was getting a tatoo...yeah, welp, i've had that for about 4 months...ish..<br /><br />um. <br /><br />i hate school, still. <br /><br />some people are so stupid it's funny. <br /><br />my teacher is a fucking DICK! Mr. D'apice. yep, my cosmo teacher. welp yesterday my pants were "off white" and we have a uniform policy where we must wear white or black pants with white or black shoes and i wore "off white" pants so at the last minute he gave me a paper saying that i got 2 1/2 hours deducted because my pants where..once again "OFF WHITE!!!!!" stupid fuck. he could have at least told me when i got there cuz what the hell is the sence of being there for two and a half hours if i'm not even getting them. HELLO!!! plus he told me he could see my underwear through my pants...HES FUCKING GAY! WHAT DOES HE CARE AND WHY IS HE LOOKING ANYWAYS!!!<br />and for the record!!!! you could BARELY see them but if he requires us to wear WHITE pants sometimes shit liek that happens and i had a sweater to tie around my waist but on the way over i spilled coffee all over my t shirt so i had to cover it up with the sweatshirt! WHAT THE SHIT?!?! why are some ppl so dumb!<br /><br />i cant wait till halloween. i'm gonna be all dressed up! :) at a party! HA. <br /><br />anyways...i'm not in school today cuz i'm going to the mall w/ becky and jill..possibly erica if i can get ahold of her. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:50915 2003-07-14T06:12:49Z 2003-07-14T06:12:49Z you say it's "those kind of people" who tend to have a passionate drive for music. utterly disgustingly revised.what you don't know is that i am the complete impressing definition of those people. <br /><br />you're selfish in saying that if she loved you she would stop for you. she loves you but you are putting yourself in a very harsh position when you try to come before an addiction. you'll just be hurting yourself by trying to get her to take control... over something she has no control over. no grasp on herself. her self image. her self control. her self reliance. you expect her to trust you by telling her what's best for her life. you cant trust yourself. just like the rest. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />so. i'm getting a tatoo on tuesday. and i am thinking about getting a double navel. or even 3 more piercings. i think 4 piercings in my belly button would look kinda rad. or not. maybe a surface piercing. who knows. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:50588 2003-06-11T01:05:49Z 2003-06-11T01:05:49Z welp, i havent written in here in a long time. i think i'm trying to purposely not talk about everything that has been going on because you know me i'm annalytical jessica. pshh...i'm so caught up with school and dj is here every day. i'm sick of peoples stupid drama. i'm even sick of myself, thus being the reason i find something to escape from this world every day whether it be sleep, alcohol, movies, accompanied by music no matter what it is ..or what have you. "it can only get worse before it gets better" urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:50236 2003-05-05T15:32:29Z 2003-05-05T15:32:29Z tbs hmm...alot has happened i guess. the guy who i was writing about in my former entry is now my boyfriend. [me? boyfriend?...yeah] anyways...hes great. enough said. <br />um...i'm getting fat. :( <br /><br />saturday i went to keuka college to watch DJ's cousins band play <lobbybar> and then the school rented a house for them to stay in for the night so we got a drunk there and some kid was falling all over the place rapping and some kids mom wrestled him...what the..? yeah, anyways..then we went back to joes house. Megan was with us. This weekend is prom and i'm not going because it will just be a waste of time and money. Avoca sux. I have a 14 page term paper do on friday that i havent even started. in fact, i dont even have my topic yet. so i better hurry or else i'm fucked. i'll probably fail anyways because the teacher doesnt like me. oh well. he can eat shit. <br />I didnt go to botard today because friday we had a sub and none of us did a thing so she wrote a bad report and so everyone in our class is skipping today. it's rather funny, however....we're really gonna get ripped a new asshole tomorrow. our teacher is gay, and very mean. I dont have a problem whatsoever with gay men, unless they are the shovanistic kind that hate females. and well, yes, that pretty much sums up mr. d. ....and he's teaching a classroom full of girls...<br /><br />welp, i'm gonna go drink coffee and watch trashy talk shows. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:49927 2003-04-17T04:54:11Z 2003-04-17T04:54:11Z coheed I went to see Coheed & Cambria and The Used tonight. The Start opened along with another band. (girl singer and guitar player. they were sweet) but..the show fucking ROCKED MY SOX OFF HARDCORE STYLE!!! it was completley euphoric!!! [accept for the part where i bought a $15 yellow coheed shirt and it got stolen] Thats exactly what i needed after a day of hell!! :) Bert is hott! daaammnn..! I have alot of bruises but moshing is fun when you cant feel it!! :) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:49853 2003-04-09T23:21:49Z 2003-04-09T23:21:49Z um..bored. just got back from the stupid bath library w/ becky that has jack shit when it comes to term paper information. <br /><br />i met this guy. he's pretty cal. funny..etc. who knows where that will go or even if it will..or..if it already has..i'm confused but im not going to question it because i dont care. <br /><br />uh..vindictive assholes may as well get their head out of their ass and rim someone else because they SUCK. that's a fact.<br /><br />i've almost forced myself to stop reading more than 2 pages in my book (prozac nation) a day because it's so good i dont want it to end. although i can just read it again (which i will) i like it when i dont know how it ends. even though..i know..just not details.<br /><br />becky is awesome. i love her. qb! :) fyb! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:49568 2003-03-31T05:03:25Z 2003-03-31T05:06:02Z "take it back" lou&senneca "i'll close my eyes for the last time and turn my back on you and all the lies you tell..it didnt mean anything when i said that you were everything..cuz i take it back when i said i loved you, i take it back when i said i need you more than anything.."<br /><br />wow..what a blur this weekend was. i dont even understand anything anymore. when the hell did all of this happen?<br /><br />i hope i'm getting tired sometime soon..its 12:05 am..(if it says pm its am and vise versa) i slept part of the day..stupid me, i need to get my priorities straight. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:49332 2003-03-27T03:58:56Z 2003-03-27T03:58:56Z nec/hd today wasn't so great. i was so lethargic all day. It got better when miranda moz and i all traveled to the mall. I finally got my coheed/the used ticket..friggin service charges can take it in the ass! After that and chillin on a greyhound [?] bus w/ putt putt golf course in it we stuffed our faces and froze our asses off and got stared at in taco bell. oh yeah..miranda said ass on the bus and a little girl got on when she said that and went out crying "daddy..wahhhhh...she said ASS!! boo hooo...::sad eyes::"..so the daddy said honey its ok lets go..BAD KIDS<br /><br />bought the nec/highland drive split. <br /><br />it brings back alot of memories. it gives me butterflies. the poisonus kind..especially the nec tracks..i love this music. but i cant stand it when i listen to great music at a good/bad period of time then i go to listen to it again and it reminds me of that time. it ruins the song. in this case it didnt ruin the song cuz no matter how many things i think about when i hear it..it wont keep me from listening to it, nec is too good. it does hurt though. i must admit it. i need to shut up..i'm getting ahead of myself and i just dont want to be awake right now.. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:49027 2003-03-20T16:31:57Z 2003-03-20T16:31:57Z I wish i was missing. <br /><br /><br />..my cancer, your charm. i'll never kiss a broken jaw.<br /><br />"you'd never murder anyone"<br />"i have murdered someone!"<br />"oh yeah..when!?"<br />"one time i was drivin and this squirrel ran out infront of me..and he didnt die right then..but he was all limpin n stuff..and i'm sure he died right after then.." urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:48882 2003-03-19T00:08:25Z 2003-03-19T00:08:25Z i am not going to apologize for anything i said. i preached my pessimism to you for you are the one who caused me to feel this way. i meant every single fucking word i said! don't flatter yourself by thinking all the credit goes to you either, i'm more upset at myself. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:48451 2003-03-13T01:56:13Z 2003-03-13T01:56:13Z i'm having an even harder time trying to sleep and when i finally fall asleep i have nightmares and i cant wake up. these nightmares will not desist.<br /><br />i'm not sure if i am holding on as tight as i can or if i am just hanging there..barely holding on. whichever it is- i am getting very sick and tired of refusing to slip and fall. i dont see why i'm so afraid to fall...maybe its because i fear a bottomless pit and if i cant hit bottom..i cant pick myself back up.<br /><br />what do you get out of this? coming in and out of my life like you do. like its a fucking charade you should be getting paid for. stop. just leave. even if you stay- just dont come near me. spare me. everything i ever said to you - i take it back. you're just not worth me getting upset over. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:48140 2003-03-11T04:25:40Z 2003-03-11T04:25:40Z you never knew how much i wanted to *throw * stars*<br /><br /><br />you're not worthy of my time. <br /><br />eat shit. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:addictionchik:47816 2003-03-06T02:47:01Z 2003-03-06T02:47:01Z i trace your outline in spilled sugar..killing time and *killing hope*<br /><br />god, sometimes, i wish more than anything, that i could just get away from myself sometimes. of course, i guess i could..but i'm not selfless enough to act on it. <br /><br />will there <ever> be anyone who can save me? even if it's superficial for the moment, as long as you can save me for a moment..